Thursday, 28 February 2013

Ten reasons why I am different from most people

1. I do not have a smartphone.

2. I do not have a Facebook account.

3. I do not like beer or tea.

4. I loathe the whole British pub culture thing. Why does everyone have to crowd round the bar? Why should the tallest people with the most "presence" get served first? In what way is the continental cafe system, with its waiters, not obviously more efficient, fairer, and less stressful? And the system of "buying rounds" is sheer lunacy.

5. I think the entire popular culture sucks, and has done for at least 3 decades. Why has nobody written a decent tune since about 1975? What makes people think Andrew Lloyd Webber and Elton John have any talent?

6. I have never once done drugs, whether hard or soft. Not making a moral point, just a factual one.

7. I really enjoy not having a motorcar. I liberated myself from its tyranny in 1981. (By the way, the motorcar has come close to destroying our civilisation.)

8. I hate shopping.

9. I can do spelling, punctuation, grammar and syntax. I seem to be about the last remaining person in the whole English-speaking world who understands about hyphens.

10. I check my e-mail only twice a day max.